Have you ever sat with a dear friend and cried tears that were long held back? Tears that were perhaps sparked by a particular loss, or frustration, but that flow beyond that trigger, tears that wash our hearts through of all the multitude disappointments, misunderstandings, exhaustions, sorrows of daily living?
Our hearts were made for connection this way. When we are lucky enough to count in our circle friends and beloveds who can see and hold us this way, without judgment or the need to ‘fix’, we are blessed. They are those friends who can simply lean into the discomfort and intensity of those feelings with us, holding a hand perhaps or simply offering tissues and tea and a space on their sofa for us to unravel. Their presence in our lives is healing.
A radical choice
In a culture where we are so often taught from an early age to wind up the drawbridge, bolt the gates, present a face that’s unassailable, serene and defended, it is nothing less than an act of revolution to choose to open our hearts in this way. We have an epidemic of loneliness, of mental health challenges – we all know people who are struggling, alone, locked up inside the paradigm of ‘I’m OK’, and we all know that place for ourselves, at least from time to time.
To ‘soldier on’, to ‘buck up’ is a pathological response to pain that shuts it up, buries it deep inside our hearts. Like Pandora’s Box though, those buried pieces of anguish are likely to resurface and wreak havoc from time to time.
That’s why I offer the work of the village, of the circle here at Earthheart. In itself it is powerful medicine. Coming together in community is a new habit for so many of us and perhaps an uncomfortable one at first, as we grow used again to the old ways of offering our hearts up with all their burdens, and all their beauties. Yet the more we do it, the more readily our hearts respond and relieve themselves of the roars of rage, the sobs of grief, the wails of disappointment that we’ve been holding back in an effort to fit in, to not cause a fuss, or simply so that we can keep our heads above water in the whitewater flow of our busy lives.
It is a fundamental human need, this urge to connect and open. The myriad small ways in which our hearts are hurt by the ways in which our society forces us to live, require a simple remedy. Gathering around a fire, around an altar, in a space held with prayer, respect and grace where we agree to listen with all of ourselves and without judgement, is the remedy our ancestors knew and it remains the way of many tribal cultures to this day. It is preventative medicine – a regular opening of the pressure valve in order to prevent a catastrophic build-up. It is a way for humans to open out a little more each time so we can better accommodate the everyday stretch of our lives.
A commitment to our own freedom
Can you find a way to commit to this choice, to find a trusted friend in whose company you can begin to open? To make of that witnessing and sharing a regular practice so that your heart grows used to the exercise and finds its flow once more? Make of it a sacred space and time, as simply as you like, perhaps sharing a meal or tea beforehand, or as elaborately as you wish, creating sacred space and an altar by which to gather.
Let’s remember ourselves as the powerful beings we truly are, when we are no longer constrained by our fear but stretched wide and full and free by love.
I’m always so grateful when people I’ve worked with take time to write to me, or post on their social media about how their lives have shifted since their work with me. The following beautiful words are from Tallie Maughan:
“I have been reflecting recently about how powerful the work of Jewels Wingfield has been to me. It’s easy to forget when you get used to a new normal that once upon a time things were different. I’ve travelled a long way since I was Jewels’ student, but by god/dess did she help me get started. As my teacher she gave me the keys to my sexuality and in doing so I believe she helped midwife everything that has been birthed through me since.
It feels vulnerable to say it so publicly, but I feel that it needs to be said more in our culture: sexuality and authentic
power go hand in hand. Sexual liberation is deeply connected to more freely intuitive modes of being, and that’s where all my own best ‘ideas’ have come from (and I believe that’s why sexuality and personal power have been repressed together in an era that still needs #metoo.)
I am very pleased to see that Jewels is continuing to cut new ground. In the last few years her journey has led her
further into an articulation of an indigenous ancient future, close with the trees, in the heart of the forest. At some point she disappeared through them and sort of dropped out of sight.
Well, she has reemerged from a kind of woodland chrysalis, and her own ‘conscious menopause’ with a new vision, again making tracks through the ancient forest for us all to follow. Now she is offering guidance on menopause and menopausal sexuality as part of our spiritual life.”
Menopause! Sexual Power!
“I almost want to do The Calling now just because, you know, it’s like getting to play games with the older cool kids in school. But I’m not there yet. If you actually are going through menopause and can legitimately participate, and especially if you don’t feel great about it yet, I have a sense this is a course well worth joining.”
Thankful to all the volunteers, like Maitari Simone, over the years who have brought their skills, their commitment, their love to this land in the midst of the forest that nourishes so many!
I’ve been reading so much lately about the interdependence of all life forms. From ecologist Suzanne Simard discovering how trees talk to each other to this evocative article from Andreas Weber who says
“There is only one immutable truth: No being is purely individual; nothing comprises only itself. Everything is composed of foreign cells, foreign symbionts, foreign thoughts. This makes each life-form less like an individual warrior and more like a tiny universe, tumbling extravagantly through life like the fireflies orbiting one in the night.”
We are not born to struggle alone, although in our patriarchal society the values of the warrior, the lone wolf are over-emphasised. There is immense strength to be found in coming together, to share celebration, joy, happiness as well as the more ‘difficult’ passages where we can feel grief or anger that’s overwhelming when faced on our own.
An interview as part of the ‘My Menopause’ series, with Katie Phillips of the School of Self Love
Threshold times in our lives are gateways to new possibilities. They can often feel like the darkest of times, when we are ‘stuck in a rut’, endlessly looping around the same old patterns.
Clues to the presence of a threshold in your life might be rehearsing the same old conversation with someone over and over in your mind, though you never speak it out loud. It might be repeating patterns of an argument with your beloved, where the scripts feel too well rehearsed. Or it might be an indefinable sense of excitement, of something coming up in your life that you can’t yet see.
The signifier of an important Threshold in your life is usually fear – and the more intense the fear, the more potent the threshold you are approaching.
I want to invite you into an experience of what it feels like in your body, to approach and then pass through a Threshold. Take 15 minutes, take a pen and a notebook, a cushion perhaps, and drop with me, into this Thresholds journey
If you feel called to go deeper into a Threshold that’s calling you in your life right now, we have a special offer on the April weekend. When you book, you get to bring a friend for free! Because we can only step through the important gateways in our life with the support of community, a sense of a tribe around us who are witnessing, rooting for us. Bringing a loved one or a friend will support you both to move through the Threshold journey and integrate it into your lives back home.
To book Thresholds, hop over to the webpage and when we receive your booking we’ll send you a code to book your friend in on the same workshop for free!
I’m delighted to announce that I’ll be bringing the Thresholds work to London this year, 2018. Working with Alternatives, the date is yet to be confirmed – but if you’re in or near London, I look forward to meeting you this year!
In his talk on his new film ‘Tawai‘ to the audience at the recent Tree Conference in Glastonbury, Bruce Parry speaks about the guidance that tribal Penan people hear from the natural world around them, and the possibilities of our own remembering of an inner feeling of connection to nature.
‘In order to be able to experience what it is that these people are experiencing there are a number of things we have to do, we have to slow down and feel more deeply into ourselves, into our bodies…in order to feel more deeply we have to feel the good stuff and the bad stuff. To really go in there to feel who we are and what we’re doing in the world and how we are behaving…it’s hard to really truly wake up to what we are doing on this planet and how we are with it. It’s no surprise that we are anaesthetising ourselves from those feelings, addicted to all sorts of stuff that keep us from being present and feeling….but our only route forward is to go into that feeling because if we don’t we will just go blindfold off a cliff.’